Spark Joy, Simply.

If you are not a constantly anxious and deeply burnt out woman right now, you might be feeling lesser and left out.

Hehehe, I don't know, was that a distasteful statement? I hope not. It is a common line of statement on social media (read Twitter/X) to describe the extent that things are widespread.

Basically, right now, all the hot girlies are going through it. People are extremely tired, tired of the routine that life has become, it doesn't also help that that routine seems fruitless most of the time, with the strength it saps from you until you are utterly drained but you have to keep going, because… just because.

You hear, see and can also relate to the “extremely gifted and promising child to the mentally unwell and burnt out adult pipeline”, it is too real, are we not all on that table? We grew into tired adults and it feels like a huge disconnect between you now and that energetic, curious child that could not wait to grow up, ‘take over the world’, have fun and do all the things grown ups do. But now, you don't even have the strength and the will.

Everyone is battling anxiety of different kinds, depression, neurodivergent conditions, employment stress, academic shege, romance problems, hectic schedules, all the adult wahala, really, with Nigeria posing as the weapon fashioned against us; the present Nigeria is threatening to gradually and painfully peel off our skins, because the toughness? The hot girls cannot afford chickwizz casually anymore, skincare nko? Oh mai gaddd. Let's not forget, on top of it all, we are battling the patriarchy, encountering different faces of misogyny everyday. It's so tough being a Nigerian, it's also tough being a woman, so now, being a Nigerian woman is equivalent to hell.

Maybe you are going to get to a point where you can handle these things well enough, you overcome them and you get to that point in life you've been striving for; and also, maybe we would never really get rid of these problems, we will just continue to deal with them as they come, because they are like follow-come packages with life. We will maintain composure, because “life go whine you, but no panic”, innit?

So, in all of these, you have to find a way to keep your insanity intact, even if it's the tiniest streak of sanity. You have to keep finding little reasons to live. I especially love how this cute phrase has been coined for it— spark joy. Spark joy. In a difficult life, always do things that spark your joy so you don't run mad. Lovely women, Herbode cares about you and this letter is to remind you to spark joy in the midst of all the shege.

I also especially love how we are all reverting to reconnecting, resuscitating and satisfying our inner child. We are adults now, but you know how we can escape from the harsh reality again? Donning on our inner child by doing those things that gave our younger selves so much joy. Playing with toys? Do it for yourself if that's what rocks your boat, sweetheart. Go out to amusement parks and play away on those bouncing castles? By all means, please do! Satisfy your sweet tooth by splurging on sweets, chocolates and tubs of ice cream? Please, indulge! Taking time away from serious things to get away with friends or just simply have conversations with them, ranging from serious talks to gists that have you laughing away until your ribs ache and your mouth hurts but in a happy way? Yes, please, unwind. Watch all the Disney films, Barbie and all of that? I recommend it like mad! This life is not two.

I love when Nigerians have these throwbacks on Twitter where everyone is reminiscing on the “good times”. Pictures of old time CDs, ancient plates in our homes that our moms reserved only for serving food to visitors, the old but strong/durable electric lamps, Philips pressing iron, the old delicious biscuits and snacks, pictures of baba dudu strewn everywhere. The nostalgia hits so hard. You can take the ‘throwback Thursday’ a little further by going to buy baba dudu and all the others— that is if you can still find where they are being sold— and just take yourself back to those old days when all you cared about was the twenty naira your parents would give you for lunch break in primary school, and you splurge it all on baba dudu, buns, puff puff, Choco Choco, and all of that. Omo, tears in my eyes right now.

Sparking joy also entails giving yourself a break, giving yourself some grace. Give yourself a break by taking some time off work to rejuvenate and get back on track mentally, do not leave important work untended, though, that is, do not be a lazy worker. Take time off, reconnect with yourself and with nature, eat, rest. Leave really toxic work situations. Give yourself some grace, do not be so hard on yourself on the time. Listen, you are doing well, okay? You are trying, really. That being said, you will still get to your saving target if you just take a few thousands out to buy chickwizz or something you really love. Don't splurge o, don't spend recklessly. It's just once in a blue moon, especially if you truly know that you really need to spoil yourself this once because you have been striving so hard.

Giving yourself grace also means to stop being so hard on yourself. Don't beat yourself up too much, you know all the self hate, self blame, self doubt. It's a gradual process to grow out of these habits, but intentionally try to get rid of them. Don't be hard on yourself about the seemingly stagnant life, unemployment, academic challenges, striving but no results, some trauma from the past and present, be patient with yourself. Forgive yourself too. Don't judge yourself, don't hate yourself because of the mistakes. You know that making your inner child happy also entails reconciling with her, having that heart-to-heart with her, forgiving her, understanding her, you know.

Surround yourself with good and lovely company. Are your friends the type that make you randomly say “I count my blessings and I include my friends, because they are really blessings to me”, then never let go of moments when you have to rejuvenate and get your sanity back by simply hanging with them. Another favorite social media phrase of mine is “my friends don't know they heal me a little whenever we hang out”. Go on ahead and unwind with your girls. Connect with like-minded women. Don't you just love when women just women together?

Read books. Watch movies. Keep journals. Keep mood boards. Grow plants. Keep pets. Any of these that appeal to you. Just something to keep you afloat, really. To spark joy.

See a therapist or get mental health care if need be. Raw dogging mental illnesses and the chronicles of adulthood can be fun yeah? But for how long are you going to raw dog it? Mental healthcare is expensive in this part of the world, yes, hence, seek out genuine and effective counseling teams, especially ones that cater specifically to women. Research on mental health and mental disorders to learn how you can navigate and how much you can care for yourself. Engage in self care— physical self care, mental self care, all of that.

In all the striving, never lose your wonder. Never lose your joy. Never lose your spark. Keep it beaming. Always find the perks to keep you alive.